The Pitfalls of Being An Open Book
Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional. All views expressed below are my own and are inspired by my personal journey and experiences.
I’ve always been forthcoming about my battles with mental health and encouraged others to follow suit. “It’s okay to not be okay” I’d knowingly say. A mantra that’s been re-iterated to me by my loved ones, time and time again and one that I have long promulgated with the hope of paying forward the empathy that’s been shown to me. I’ve often felt empowered by being open about my struggles and when I was once cautioned on the pitfalls of doing so, had dismissed it as I hadn’t experienced it- until very recently.
I’ve had people I’ve trusted implicitly with the gory details of my struggles use it to gaslight me, invalidate my perspectives and reinforce any insecurities or negative beliefs I had about myself; some for ulterior motives, others unintentionally. This has especially been the case with people who are fighting similar battles, and are either unaware of or haven’t dealt with their issues- just an observation of mine based on my personal experience.
Your mental health status is an extremely personal piece of information; one that in the hands of the wrong person, could potentially be used to your detriment. Not everyone can understand and empathise to the extent that you need them to. Not everyone has your best intentions at heart. Not everyone with similar struggles themselves have the capacity to empathise with YOUR specific suffering. And not everyone who portrays themselves as an ally comprehends the gravity of what it means to genuinely be one.
As wonderful as being open has been for me in many aspects, I’ve watched it be strategically leveraged to make me a scapegoat by a few I have trusted the most and that’s not something for which I was ever prepared. I’ve had more than my fair share of seemingly well-meaning people with a messiah complex wanting to “save me from myself”. They’d posture as confidantes, work diligently to earn my trust, only to squander it in a split-second when it’s inconvenient to them.
I’ve been made to feel dispensable as any human in that situation would but my reaction has been, by default, rendered a symptom of my “condition” and therefore, unjustified. It’s textbook gaslighting and it’s a common technique employed by those with narcissistic tendencies, I’ve observed. My mental health is a work in progress and experiences like these, though few and far between, can and have set my progress back significantly.
They make it harder to trust; harder to feel safe; harder to not believe the world is a dank and dark place where it’s predator versus prey. That being said, the purpose of this long and arduous vent isn’t to dissuade anyone from sharing their struggles openly as I have for many years.
Rather, it’s to make you aware of the flip side of things so you can make an informed decision about how open you want to be online and offline, and more importantly, WHO you want to open up to when it comes to such exceedingly personal matters. Because the reality is, not everyone has your best intentions at heart and in my case at least, I believe it’s better to be safe than sorry.